i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
