She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
