we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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