he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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