I molested 6 butterflies tonight
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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