Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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