made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
