Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
