I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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