Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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