I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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