just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
