dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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