yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I've blown a few things in my day
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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