Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
