Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
