I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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