Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
