I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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