I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
