How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
