this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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