I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
