there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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