I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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