Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize