Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
