hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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