I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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