Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
