Apparently you make a good broom.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
