my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
