I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
