I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
