Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
