Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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