Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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