I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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