I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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