I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
