Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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