we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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