Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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