it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
whose parrot is this?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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