i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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