Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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