you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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