Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
