i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
