I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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