hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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