i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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