someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
