omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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