He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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