how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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