she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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