Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
