I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
