so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
