Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
