I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize