just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
is it fun? or sober?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
