you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
