I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize