I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
