Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
