just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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