I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Send help, water and tortillas.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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