I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
