You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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