Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
