Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
