My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
