You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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