Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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