just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
