I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize