Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
