Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
