I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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