Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
