RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Randomize
