Moan for me like Helen Keller
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
