Ambien. No doubt about it.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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