Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Acid is not a monday night drug
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
