Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
