Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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