just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize