Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
