the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
