just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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