im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize