mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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