What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
