I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
