I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my shit smells like andre
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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