I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize