my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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