It's Friday. Sex?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
