some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
