when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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