her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
