Did you just see the Batmobile???
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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