is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
