I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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