Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
