There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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