I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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