some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize