It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
