just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize
