I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You've changed since you got that strap on
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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