My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
