And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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