I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
