my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
